from my drafts: [on being pregnant//4.28.14]

I found this draft of a post I had written while pregnant...so here I am reminiscing as I look at the result napping right beside me.

//

Before I was pregnant I used to tell my husband that Lucy was just up there waiting for us to bring her down. I said it playfully, but at the same time I honestly felt like she was. And seeing as how it only took us about a month to get pregnant (I don't say this lightly--we are incredibly and greatly blessed), I think I can safely say, she was definitely ready and waiting. Don't ask me how I knew we would have a girl first, I guess we just have a special bond, this little one and I.

I have had a hard time writing words down that could properly and possibly express my feelings on this whole adventure. There have been a million and one emotions. I'm kind of in awe at this moment in my life. I didn't know I could love someone so much that I haven't even officially met yet. I think I will try to back track a little and pinpoint a few pivotal experiences.

In November, I had a really bad pain in my stomach and I got really sick--while at school--so I took the rest of the day off and I just kept thinking I should take a pregnancy test. So I did, and it was negative. My mom was really worried about me so she told me to call the doctor, which made me feel silly because there wasn't really anything anyone could do. About a week later, I realized my period was late. My parents were going to the store and asked Jeff and I if we needed anything...I said casually, "Oh yeah, could you grab me a pregnancy test? That would be great." They seemed a little shocked, but agreed to it (My parents searching for and buying a pregnancy test is actually hilarious. Especially since they had to ask for help:) So Jeff and I were both up bright and early the next morning for work and we decided to just see. We didn't get our hopes up because everyone had warned us about how long it can take to get pregnant...but sure enough those two little lines showed up (faintly). We looked at each other like, wait, is this real?? Then of course, even though he had previously been against telling anyone, Jeff told me to go tell my mom. So I woke up my parents (at six in the morning) and said something to the effect of, "Umm...I'm pretty sure the pregnancy test was positive! As in, I'm pregnant!" Of course my mom had to see for herself and we freaked out in the best way possible.

We happened to be leaving the day we found out to California for Thanksgiving. We had all these plans to tell people in a special way and to wait until Christmas, but of course we just couldn't hold it in. Jeff blurted it out every chance he got (seriously, literally just called out, Well! Molly's having a baby! at his family party). On Thanksgiving we Facetimed all of my siblings and they were all so excited. My sister started to cry when I told her! I can't tell you how special that was for me.

During the first few weeks I actually knew I was pregnant, I had never been so tired in my life. I felt like a zombie walking around. It didn't help that the night we returned from California my grandma passed away and after that I ended up getting sick and stayed sick for about a month (not pregnancy sick...just cold sick...on top of being tired...and being a teacher...which made me lose my voice). It was also the month of December that the nausea hit. I can tell you it is quite fun to experience nausea. I started throwing up every morning and night. The first time I threw up Jeff was so excited because he felt like this meant I was really pregnant (I'm still not sure why he thought I wasn't:) Sometimes eating helped, sometimes it didn't. There were definitely foods that repulsed me (see: pickles, anything fried, and salad). Poor Jeffrey had to deal with me going to Hawaii (worst flight ever when dealing with nausea) and to make matters worse, I came down with the flu the day after we got there. Basically, the first couple months of being pregnant were long and hard. But I had the best husband to take care of me.

At the end of January, once we started telling people besides family I started feeling great! As soon as I was out of that first trimester, the nausea died down and my belly has been growing ever since. It didn't really start to pop until right around 20 weeks. And once I popped, I feel like I really popped. Baby girl just decided to show herself. Around the same time I started feeling these little bubbles pushing up against the inside of my stomach. I was kind of in love with the flutter. I felt like it was this special thing just between she and I. 

At 23 weeks, my mom and I were sitting in the temple on a Thursday afternoon (April 10th to be exact) my girl was just kicking away. My mom wanted to see if she could feel her, and she could! It was the sweetest moment ever. A couple days later she was going at it again and Jeff finally got to feel her as well and this time we could even see it! We were so thrilled I started to cry. It was just such a sweet experience.

There are little moments that made this whole thing a lot more real to me than the sight of my ever-growing tummy--I can't help but love when Lexi talks to my tummy or Beckham prays for my baby when blessing the food. Nothing made it more real for me though than when the ultra-sound tech told me I was having a girl and gave me that little white polka-dot bow.

I'm so in love with this time and with my baby girl. When I saw her all cuddled up on the ultrasound, I didn't think my heart could take so much happiness. She’s definitely mine, of that I am sure. She is a cuddler and I couldn't adore that more.

I’m literally hungry all the time and completely exhausted, but gosh, growing this tiny human is surreal.