...

• My professor called me "poetry lady" which caught me off guard, but it was a compliment and she made me feel like a rock star for a whole minute (nerd alert, I know). 
• I got a job! Thanks to one of my favorite people I'm now a mentor at a school for at-risk youth. I know, I'm growing up so fast. 
• My food cravings as of late have been celery with peanut butter and all sorts of breakfast foods. Serious cravings, I tell you. 
• My cousin called me a hipster. I think it's because of my new glasses. But I just wanted it in writing that I am really far, far from anything related to 'hipster'. 
• There are two 7th grade boys (at the school I'll be teaching at) who asked me if I knew their sisters because they go to BYU too. (Never heard of them, I felt bad).
• I have a professor that looks and sounds exactly like Robin Williams. No joke. I always want him to stand up on the desk and recite "O captain, my captain." I bet he'd do it. He's super into Walt Whitman. 
• Jeff & I started watching "The Worst Cooks in America" on the food channel and it is hilarious. It makes me feel like I'm not that bad in the kitchen. Which is a win. 
• I love my classes right now. I learn a lot every single day, but I'm really looking forward to Summer. And reading any book that I want. 
• My little brother comes home from his mission in Guatemala in less than three months. I. Can't. Wait. 
• March starts this week...whaaat? How did that happen?

a full minute.

When it's bright outside and you're walking some place you've walked 1,027 times before do you ever close your eyes? You know, as you take those steps that are as familiar as the smell of grass. Or a cold glass of milk. Or any other small comfort that maybe you never thought of before. Sometimes I do it. Close my eyes as I walk. To feel the warmth on my eyelids from that strong sun of ours. And what can sometimes feel like the unsuspecting best part is when I open my eyes again. Everything, the whole world even, is brighter than it was before. And when that happens, that extra brightness, I smile to myself and feel less silly for having closed my eyes in the first place. Because I realize, in that moment, that small bit of darkness is all I really needed. It is all I really needed to brighten my world a little more. If only for a slight second.

And if you were to add up all the slight seconds. Maybe someday, if I keep closing my eyes sometimes while I walk on those bright days, I'll have a full minute of extra brightness. Imagine what I can do with that. A full minute of extra brightness? Something amazing, I think.

on my mind. (according to my tumblr).

It is a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up.

J.K. Rowling

 

“You won’t do it at the right time. You’ll be late. You’ll be early. You’ll get re-routed. You’ll get delayed. You’ll change your mind. You’ll change your heart. It’s not going to turn out the way you thought it would. It will be better.” 

Kate Moller

If there were a little more silence, if we all kept quiet…maybe we could understand something.
Federico Fellini 

We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better.
C. Joybell C.

 Happiness is the most natural thing in the world when you have it, and the slowest, strangest, most impossible thing when you don’t. It’s like learning a foreign language: You can think about the words all you want, but you’ll never be able to speak it until you suck up your courage and say them out loud.
Dan Wells

good people.

I have really good people in my life.

You know, the kind that care.
They care about you, and a lot of the time you aren't sure why.
The kind that when you've had a bad day,
they make you realize the good in it.
The kind that make you laugh
or let you cry.
They help you to see just how great you are.
And feel silly for having thought any different.

And then there are those random good people.
The ones you've never met before,
but they stop anyway.
The kind that are just looking to do something nice
because that's who they are
or what they were taught
and they saved your life.

At least for the night,
or maybe a whole week.

But all of these people,
they make you want to be better.
Kinder. Sweeter. More aware.

And they make you realize: someone is watching out for me.
Through a million someones.

and not be acted upon.

"In many of the uncertainties and challenges we encounter in our lives, God requires us to do our best, to act and not be acted upon, and to trust in Him. We may not see angels, hear heavenly voices, or receive overwhelming spiritual impressions. We frequently may press forward hoping and praying—but without absolute assurance—that we are acting in accordance with God’s will. But as we honor our covenants and keep the commandments, as we strive ever more consistently to do good and to become better, we can walk with the confidence that God will guide our steps."

-David A. Bednar 

My dad sent the above quote to me today.

And it was just what I needed, so I thought I'd share. 

I've been thinking.

Pretty soon summer will be gone. 

And although Fall is my favorite, I don't think I'm quite ready for it yet.

I need a little more sun first. 

And a road trip. 

Definitely one of those. 

Any takers?

I signed a contract (officially) to move out in a couple of weeks.

This is kind of a big deal (in case you were wondering). 

And it has almost been a year since I moved to London.

Oh, time.

"what happiness looks like when I close my eyes"

Learning, because I'm intrigued.
Dancing, because I feel like it.
Hugging, because I care.
Moving, because I can't sit still.

Smiling, just because.

Laughing, because smiling isn't enough.
Remembering, because the smell is sweet.
Writing, because words are what I love.

Happiness looks like long talks around the dinner table and watching the sun set. Like the stars on a clear night. Like driving around with the windows down. Like a room full of books. 

And I can't be positive,
but I'm pretty sure being happy is a choice.
every once in a while, I need to be reminded of that. 

 

post title from this post

don't rain on my parade.

Thoughts keeping me up:
I don't want to read my assignment for tomorrow.
Fireworks.
Funny Girl.
I'm so happy I know who Mr. Arnstein* is now.
Bike rides.
Adam Levine.
I really wish I could play the guitar.
The gym pass I pay for but never use.
John Mayer.
That expectations vs. reality scene in 500 Days of Summer.
One piece swimsuits.
And a song:



*I always thought it was Mr. Umstein.

may 23rd

On this day, in 1934 Bonnie and Clyde were shot to death on some small road in Louisiana. 

The article in the New York Times reporting the death of Bonnie and Clyde 77 years ago began like this:
"Shreveport, La., May 23 -- Clyde Barrow, notorious Texas "bad man" and murderer, and his cigar-smoking, quick-shooting woman accomplice, Bonnie Parker, were ambushed and shot to death today in an encounter with Texas Rangers and Sheriff's deputies."

I feel as if the writing in this article is exactly what I would imagine it to be. Filled with smooth accusations and words like "whizzed" or sayings like "careened crazily." It's beautiful, really.

The thing I find most intriguing though, is that Bonnie Parker really wasn't this "cigar-smoking, quick-shooting woman." But, the media had a picture of her smoking a cigar, most likely in a moment of play. And just like that she brought the public the sex-appeal they were looking for. Creating a greater focus on the gang of bandits and creating a villain that wasn't really there.

Also. In a watered-down version of what might be the truth, Clyde Barrow killed (mostly police officers) because he was angry with the Texas correctional facility for allowing him to be sexually abused while in prison.

Anyway. Enough of my latest research on the infamous duo. (Yes, I did spend an hour reading the entire Wikipedia entry on them a couple of weeks ago) I've just thought about them a lot lately, and it seemed fitting to speak of them today. They were from Texas. And died at the ages of 23 and 25.

There is something about being notorious and dying young that seems to always catch my interest.



In other news, my parents made it to Texas. Britton and I are pleased as punch. 

I stumbledupon this:
A random article about words that don't exist in the English language.
Words like...

L’esprit de escalier: (French) The feeling you get after leaving a conversation, when you think of all the things you should have said. Translated it means “the spirit of the staircase.”

 

To be honest I have no idea how accurate it is. And it seems like more of a saying than a word. But...I get that feeling all the time. It takes effect immediately. It is kind of like the words that would have been perfect in the moment come rushing into your mind as soon as the moment is gone. And then. There I am. In the shower, the next day, playing the entire scene over and over and over again until I get it right. Not that it makes me feel better, in fact, it makes me feel worse. But in my head, I feel okay knowing I at least could have come up with something better.

trunky.

According to a lady I work with I've been "trunky" for quite some time.
But now I'm finally at the end of the countdown (or at least one of them) and it is feeling pretty great.

Tomorrow is my last day of work.

right now I'm extremely bored (I'm no longer needed at my place of work). and I keep thinking of one of my favorite movies. or at least a quote from it.

Do we live in the physical world that we can touch, or do we live in the world that we create in our minds?

(my sassy girl)

so which is it? I think both.
easy way out? maybe.

everyone has their own creation inside of what they feel the real world is like.

right?

not really. this is so random.
I think I need to brush up on my philosophical reading.
(circles on a board + random philosophers names keep popping up in my head from my humanities 201 class)
it's been far too long.

sunday spiritual snack.

"I'm grateful that God allows tragedies and trials to occur in our lives--not because they're easy or because they're desired, but because they help us love."

Watch this video on forgiveness. It is beautiful. 


I had the opportunity to attend Sunday School with my parents today. It was taught by one of my favorite teachers I had growing up. We learned about Job. (A story that, for some reason, gives me the right kind of hope). I sat between my mom and dad and it made me feel extra wonderful. And I think that lessons emphasizing integrity are always worthwhile. 


A quote from Elder Worthlin:
"Integrity means always doing what is right and good, regardless of the immediate consequences. It means being righteous from the very depth of our soul, not only in our actions but, more importantly, in our thoughts and in our hearts. Personal integrity implies such trustworthiness and incorruptibility that we are incapable of being false to a trust or covenant."


happy sabbath!

diving into a strong current.

I've been trying to post something on this thing for about a week.

But I have come up with nothing.

I have a lot to say.

My brain feels extremely tangled.

All the time.

Yet for some reason,

I have

nothing to write.

Which is odd,

for me.

I'm blaming it on emotional exhaustion (even if it is all in my head)

I really have been wanting, no, needing to share something. Anything.

(Don't ask me why, it's just the way it is)

So. I resulted to book quotes.

I only dream of creating such quotes myself.

(In the novel I'll write someday, of course)

I was exploring quotes from The Alchemist.

I read it in 10th grade. I remember it as a book everyone hated, but secretly I loved it. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I wish I could actually remember it. Remembering it's goodness is well enough, I suppose. 

Here are some I found to be exceptionally lovely. 
(and applicable) 

"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too." 

"...making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision." 

"And, when you can't go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward." 

quotes

Paul Coelho

 Simple. But inspiring? 

I think so.

speckles.

I love those moments.

the really good ones.

You know, 

the ones where you are awed.

or amazed.

or blown away.

Like when you're up in the mountains.

Somewhere on top. 

Or in your backyard.

Or laying on the grass at an outdoor movie.

Or on a swing in a place from the past.
Or just in the middle of an apartment complex (where there's an opening to the sky) (at the playground)

And you can see the stars. 

The speckle stars. 

(smaller, less noticeable (unless you're looking), that cover completely)

Similar to the speckle freckles on my skin,

only in the sky.

The fewer the lights,

the better the speckles.

Those moments have been on my mind as of late. 

two songs that I'm obsessed with today:

this time.

This song makes me extremely happy.

maybe it's the way that the night is still 

or the sound of the rain on my window sill.

the thunder is booming. 
and I love it.

I found this screen shot on my desktop the other day:

(I really do want to do that)

I also found this one:

(good advice)

My favorite one was this shot though:

(it really is good to share)

I am always very productive whilst in the Library (obviously). 

What?

Don't YOU listen to iTunes and check out everyone's music library name while you study?

Well, next time you probably should. It's worth it.

This is the end of my random post. 

nighty night. 

miracles.

A few months ago I started reading Peace Like a River and on the third page of the book I read a few paragraphs that just stuck with me from the moment I saw them. I haven't been able to get the words out of my mind. I fell in love with them a little bit. (Sadly, I haven't had time to read more than a few chapter out of this book...) I have been needing to share it. So, please read.

"Let me say something about that word: miracle. For too long it's been used to characterize things or events that, though pleasant, are entirely normal. Peeping chicks at Easter time, spring generally, a clear sunrise after an overcast week--a miracle, people say, as if they've been educated from greeting cards. I'm sorry, but nope. Such things are worth our notice every day of the week, but to call them miracles evaporates the strength of the word.

Real miracles bother people, like strange sudden pains unknown in medical literature. It's true: They rebut every rule all we good citizens take comfort in. Lazarus obeying orders and climbing up out of the grave--now there's a miracle, and you can bet it upset a lot of folks who were standing around at the time. When a person dies, the earth is generally unwilling to cough him back up. A miracle contradicts the will of earth.

...People fear miracles because they fear being changed--though ignoring them will change you also...No miracle happens without a witness. Someone to declare, Here's what I saw. Here's how it went. Make of it what you will."

I like that this quote mentions Lazarus. His story happens to be my favorite miracle in the New Testament. I love Christ's compassion. The love he has for Mary and Martha. For Lazarus. He cares deeply for the situation and you can tell how much it hurts seeing his friends have to go through such pain. It's beautiful.

I have always been fascinated by miracles. The beauty of them. The sacredness of them. The way they are rare and humbling and divine. I think part of this may have to do with the struggle of my birth. I always loved it when my mom told the story when I was younger. I wasn't breathing when I came out. Extremely sick, saved by a man who just happened to be at the hospital at two in the morning and who just happened to see the emergency call for help (whatever the special light/code is at the hospital). He was the specific doctor I needed. He had the kind of skills that would rescue me.
In the story my mom tells, she never forgets the prayers that were said.

And how the nurses dubbed me Miracle Molly. Because, my life truly was a miracle.

Had the circumstances been slightly different in one way or another, I would not have made it.

I'm lucky. No. I'm blessed. To have a mom who tells me stories like this. Who points out the important parts of life. And who sees Heavenly Father in everything.

I adore the fact that the quote above talks about miracles in such a different way.

Fear of change. 


Make of it what you will. 

last minute of the fourth quarter.

A text from today:

boy: mm...I don't waste time
me: This is true...I thrive on more time. I seem to play most of my life in the last minute of the 4th quarter. Something I'm working on, naturally. Ha.

Sometimes I amaze myself with how weird I am. (annnd random. hahah). Truly, it's kind of awesome. I have no idea where I come up with at least half of what I say. I almost always will have heard a guy I go out with/hang out with say "you are so weird" at least once by our second encounter.I say things that are generally well thought out, but after I say them....I always question myself..."Whaaat? Where in the world did that come from?"

I like to think that the weird they stamp on my forehead isn't the same weird that people link with outer space/psychedelic/super nerdy types of people (although I, at times, find nerds to be adorable).

But.

More of the, you're super cute and different and charming kind of weird.

You know, the good kind of different.

I'm not saying any of this to flatter myself, but mostly just to proclaim that I'm OK with it.

I honestly like who I am. I didn't mind when a boy told me how crazy I was (he proclaimed it as the good kind of crazy). I loved it when he called me unique. And told me he'd never met a girl like me before. (May sound cheesey to you, but all of these things were said with the utmost sincerity. Completely genuine. Which meant a lot).

I love that with each day I find out a little more about myself. I've learned lessons in my life that could not have been taught to me in any other way than how they were given.(Some lessons given multiple times)

This doesn't mean that I don't have great moments of insecurity, I don't have regrets and I don't get sad.

Because I do, I do, I do.

I'm an anxiety attack waiting to happen, I have an iPod that holds 120GB worth of music (for the sole reason, I will never need to worry about deciding my favorite music...because I can have it ALL eliminating any future decisions that might have been a dilemma with any other iPod), and I work best under the pressures of procrastination (self-proclaimed of course).

But.

I'm working on all of the above and I'm really trying. I take steps in both directions every single day. I think it's human nature, the need to be progressing. Which is funny, because people also fear change so much. Ironic, no? Life is ironic. I guess that's just the way it is. And I'm working on being happy with the way things are.

I think I'm doing pretty good with it.

and once again for the record...
I like me. Which I find to be good, because I've been stuck with myself for a while now and will be forever.

how's that for weird and random?

quite odd.

I feel like I've been gone for five years.

It's only been a week.

But so much changed in that week.

Too much, I think.

I miss all my favorite people I left in the south.

And I missed all my favorite people I've come back to.

Here's to optimism. It's seemed to always work best for me.

maybe it's the stardust in my head.

just some thoughts that have been on my mind as of late...

I'm leaving to Louisiana as soon as I get off work.
Which is very exciting in case you were wondering.
It makes me feel all old and awesome-like.
We'll be listening to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows the whole way (thanks to Kara).
And eating cakebites.

See ya'll in a week!
I'm headed SOUTH

pictures 2 and 3 are from etsy
post title
last picture

to no home I'd ever known.

"it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic."

How does this happen? Is it real? The magic part?

I feel as if I've been brainwashed into thinking things are supposed to go a certain way. But then, some people tell me that real life isn't like the movies. Others tell me it really does go that way. They say "you just know". "It just feels right". "Everything is so perfect".

Do you really 'just know'?

This stuff gets curiouser and curiouser to me.

Sometimes I feel as if I'll never know. I can hardly ever make up my mind as it is. But knowing something like that, with such surety?

Kind of big deal that is.

just sayin'

thoughts.

I used to hate miniature golf.
Because I was bad at it. But you know what? I'm really not.
In fact, I'm actually quite good.

All I can think about is how I am going to be living in London in the Fall.
I don't think I can wait three months.
I'd like to go now, thank you.

I'm traveling to Louisiana this summer.
Did I tell you that?
In the car. 26 hour drive. Should be a treat!

I'll be spending at least a week home alone, starting this weekend.
Kinda like the movie (home alone).
Except my parents left me on purpose (to hang out with my favorite boy).

I've decided that:
I am going to get a new phone (I badly need one)
I also really need a trench coat (serious about the need part)
Summer might actually be here? (for reals this time)

I've also decided that I'm horrible at making decisions (ironic?)
And that I much prefer questions to answers.
People that are hell-bent on finding answers need to take a class on pondering or taking it easy or something.
(answers are not always necessary, I don't care what anyone says)

I really like summer moments.
Warm nights, when everything feels like a Taylor Swift song.
Driving around with the windows down.
And not wearing shoes (because they are terribly overrated)

I also like finding quotes from books, especially those books I've forgotten how much I love.

"She was terrific to hold hands with. Most girls if you hold hands with them, their [edit] hand dies on you, or else they think they have to keep moving their hand all the time, as if they were afraid they'd bore you or something. Jane was different. We'd get into a [edit] movie or something, and right away we'd start holding hands, and we wouldn't quit till the movie was over. And without changing the position or making a big deal out of it. You never even worried, with Jane, whether your hand was sweaty or not. All you knew was, you were happy. You really were."

Catcher in the Rye

















I just wanna be happy.
I really do.

thank.goodness.its.friday.