birth story // lucy jane 7.21.14 // part two

//

Checking into the hospital (for real this time!) made me feel so giddy. It was surreal knowing my baby girl was no longer going to be inside of me and everyone would get to enjoy her sweet spirit. There were a couple of things I knew...I wanted my epidural quick and I really wanted my family to get there.

By the time I had gotten to the hospital I hadn't slept for almost three days! 

The first nurse I had was great. She got me all hooked up and was really nice. She talked to me about the epidural and how they would probably come in and break my water to get things moving along. I asked her if I would get my epidural before or after they broke my water and she said it was up to me but I probably wouldn't need it until after. As time passed though she could tell I was hurting and would want it sooner rather than later so she went and got the anesthesiologist.

Dr. Groesbeck came in and was prepping me for my epidural. I told him that I knew his daughter Rebbie and he realized he knew my family. It was nice to have a connection because I was kind of nervous about this epidural business but also quite looking forward to it. I was surprised that I didn't even flinch and it really wasn't that big of a deal. Dr. Groesbeck called me a "model patient" which I, of course, was pleased with. He also told me it was easier because I was skinny--haha.

The epidural made me pretty shaky. And I wasn't the biggest fan of having my legs as numb as they were. One of them ended up being more numb than the other and that was SO uncomfortable. But it was better than the pain. I got flavored ice chips which also made things better. Dr. Thorpe was the doctor on call for just a little longer so he came in and broke my water. What a WEIRD feeling. I was partly numb and it was just weird. I don't even think I can explain it. It was kind of funny because at that point my parents and sister had gotten there and I had sort of lost any sense of shame. At that point I didn't really care who was seeing what (which is SO unlike me!).

The shifts changed and I got a new nurse and eventually a new doctor. I loved this nurse just as much as I had the last. As they monitored baby girl during my contractions they realized her heart rate kept dropping with each one. They said that normally that isn't a problem as long as the heart rate goes back up quickly. For Lucy it started to become a problem because it was getting difficult for her to get back up to a normal rate. After a few hours Dr. Dabbling came in to discuss this with me. She was so sweet and concerned and talked me through everything. She wanted me to know that at this point, if they couldn't get her to regulate they would need to do an emergency c-section. It wasn't to this point yet, but they would make sure they were monitoring to be sure baby was okay.

The thought of a c-section kind of freaked me out, but everything felt just kind of surreal so I was going with whatever was happening. The longer I sat around the more and more uncomfortable I got. With Lucy's heart dropping they decided to give me some extra oxygen and for some reason I hated wearing the oxygen mask it made me more uncomfortable and stressed me out. I wanted this baby girl to get out safe and quick! After what felt like forever, the nurse came in to help me start pushing. There was also a resident doctor there who had been mostly observing the whole time. She was nice enough, but a little awkward at times.

Once we started pushing we found out that Dr. Dabbling had been called into an emergency c-section. But I didn't need to worry because she would probably be ready to help me once we were a little farther along. I'm not going to lie, the pushing was HARD. It was a sensation I don't think I can even explain. My body needed to push, I wanted to push, but it hurt and was exhausting. And my numb legs were driving me crazy. I remember thinking, "Maybe I should have just gone with the c-section when they offered it...this is rough!" haha.

The baby was definitely coming and my amazing nurse was so encouraging every time I pushed. But we realized at this point, Dr. Dabbling might not be here to deliver my sweet girl. I honestly didn't even care in the moment, I just wanted her out of me! I wanted to push and push and push and get her there. We looked at the resident doctor who had been there the whole time and she suddenly became difficult and kept insisting we wait for Dr. Dabbling and that I should probably slow down with the pushing. That maybe I should hold in for a few  contractions. Let me tell you right now, NEVER say that to a woman in labor. I looked at her and said, "Have you never done this before? If you don't think you can do it I definitely don't want you doing it, but I am NOT going to stop pushing. I literally can not do that." The nurse was on my side and let me know I didn't have to stop. Hallelujah! haha.

I knew Lucy was almost here...everyone was talking about how they could see her hair! After a little more than an hour, Dr. Thorpe (the doctor from the previous shift) swooped in and saved the day (seriously, it felt like that!). He stepped right up, gave me instructions on how to push, cut me open just a little wider (yikes, right?) and out she came!

It was a surreal and sweet moment. I could tell when he took her out she couldn't really breathe. It was quiet, her body was purplish and her cord was wrapped around her neck a couple of times. But Dr. Thorpe immediately unwrapped her, cut her cord and laid her down on my belly. She was beautiful. And finally making noise! Girlfriend had a serious set of lungs, of that we were sure.

Once they weighed her, cleaned her up and sorted everything out, they realized she was breathing funny. So they prepared her to take her to the NICU. Jeff went with the nurses to accompany her. They were back about five minutes later. Apparently by the time they got to NICU her breathing was completely normal so they didn't even need to admit her. Happy, happy, happy! I was heart broken to see my baby girl leave the room, but just to have her here and healthy was incredible. The most special thing from the whole birthing experience is by far skin-to-skin. Holding that tiny little human so near (literally) to my heart and feeling her breathe and scream her little bird screech was better than anything I had ever experienced. I was exhausted, more than I had ever been in my life, but everything about this felt so right and real and meant to be.

Lucy Jane and her 5 lb 12 ounce tiny body, dark (but with other colors too??) hair that curled perfectly on top of her head, and perfect little features on her face had my heart from long before she was born, but holding that tiny little body close to mine changed my entire world.

5 pounds of sweet, sweet heaven

birth story // lucy jane 7.21.14 // part one

// I have been writing this for what seems forever. It is really long, but I don't ever want to forget this day! //

Saturday July 19
I woke up just after midnight with what I felt to be my first "real" contractions. They were similar to Braxton Hicks because my stomach became so tight, but different because they were quite painful. When they kept waking me up I decided to keep track of how frequently they were coming. I realized they were about ten minutes apart, but they stopped just in time for me to get an hour or two of sleep before I needed to get ready for my last shower! All I could think about as I was having those contractions was how I was going into labor and that I would be missing my shower that my family had put so much work into!

But everything worked out--I made it to my shower (that was so wonderful and perfect!) and I kept having these contractions throughout the day but they were just random and at least bearable. I was worried about going to sleep that night because I knew it would be similar to my many other sleepless nights (before it was due to discomfort, now it was just those darn contractions!). I was right.

Sunday July 20
Another night of inconsistent, but frequent contractions made me one tired girl. I went to church and I was having a few contractions an hour.

Throughout the rest of the day I was still having these contractions, but again, they were inconsistent. And painful, oh so painful.

Around 8:00pm we decided to start keeping track--so in the notes on my phone I made a list of times marking each contraction from 8:03pm to 6:47am. Needless to say, I did not get much sleep and neither did Jeff because of my moaning every so many minutes. (These are screenshots of the times of my contractions...it was a long night...)



Monday July 21
I was totally miserable and getting a few minutes of sleep at a time is an exhausting experience. I finally told Jeff to go upstairs and sleep on the couch because there was nothing he could do to help me and he needed some sleep. I had called the nurse sometime in the middle of the night and she didn't really tell me anything that was extremely helpful. I knew the hospital wouldn't admit me unless my contractions were between 3-5 minutes apart and continually getting more painful. My contractions were so close to this, but they just didn't seem quite close enough yet.

But they were so painful so finally I decided to construct a text I would make my dad send to the doctor I was supposed to have an appointment with that afternoon (he actually knew him and I had never met him). I wrote the long text telling the doctor of my situation and then waited until it reached 6am to wake my dad so he could send it. He sent it and Dr. Jacob wrote back almost immediately. He told me to wait another hour and see if things get better, if they got worse I should go into labor and delivery. They were getting worse and my contractions were now 3-4 minutes apart. I was in so much pain and so tired I felt sick. My dad and husband gave me a priesthood blessing (which made me less nervous) then we put my stuff in the car and headed to the hospital.

We got to the hospital around 7am and it was pretty smooth checking in because we had been there a week or so before because of "decreased fetal movement" (Lucy wasn't moving as much as she had been, but she ended up being fine). The nurse hooked me up to the little machine and checked to see if I was dilated at all. I ended up being at a 1 and 90% effaced. (She actually had to go get another nurse to examine me because she couldn't find my cervix--it was extremely thinned out). They said they would keep me for an hour and if I had progressed at all they wouldn't send me home. Much to my dismay I hadn't budged. And the contractions were getting more painful, but they weren't that close together anymore.

They gave me a shot of morphine for the pain and told me to go rest. Dr. Jacob stopped by and said that there was no need to go to my appointment later because they had already checked me out, but if anything changed by the time it rolled around I was still welcome to go. We were a little disappointed and I felt so defeated, convinced I was in a for a longgg three or more weeks.

I tried eating a little and drinking lots of water. When we got home Jeff took an ambien and went straight to bed. So I wouldn't bother him I stayed up in bed with my mom and tried to rest. I got short increments of sleep but the morphine shot didn't seem to be helping. I was totally out of it, but my sweet mom just watched as I was tried to fight through the pain. As the time got closer I knew I had to go to my doctor's appointment by slight chance I had progressed a tiny bit. The contractions were getting hard to breathe through as Jeff and I sat in the waiting room for our appointment. I'm sure people were quite concerned for me, but I was hurting too much to care.

Dr. Jacob came in and examined me and as he was doing so was trying to let me down easy. He kept saying, "you know sometimes this can go on for quite some time, so just be prepared..." But then the look on his face changed and he was SO excited to tell me that I had reached a FOUR. You could tell he was surprised and told me I was definitely ready to be checked in to the hospital. Jeff got emotional when Dr. Jacob told us we would be having our baby that very night! And I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with relief. She was really coming!! We had hoped and prayed our baby girl would come early but we could have never dreamed she would be this early.

Luckily Jeff and I had left my stuff in the car so we were all ready to go. We were both so nervous and excited as we walked out to the car and drove to the hospital. I was still in pain but it almost felt better knowing she was on her way. We called our family and told them this was it! 

// part two to follow //

from my drafts: [on being pregnant//4.28.14]

I found this draft of a post I had written while pregnant...so here I am reminiscing as I look at the result napping right beside me.

//

Before I was pregnant I used to tell my husband that Lucy was just up there waiting for us to bring her down. I said it playfully, but at the same time I honestly felt like she was. And seeing as how it only took us about a month to get pregnant (I don't say this lightly--we are incredibly and greatly blessed), I think I can safely say, she was definitely ready and waiting. Don't ask me how I knew we would have a girl first, I guess we just have a special bond, this little one and I.

I have had a hard time writing words down that could properly and possibly express my feelings on this whole adventure. There have been a million and one emotions. I'm kind of in awe at this moment in my life. I didn't know I could love someone so much that I haven't even officially met yet. I think I will try to back track a little and pinpoint a few pivotal experiences.

In November, I had a really bad pain in my stomach and I got really sick--while at school--so I took the rest of the day off and I just kept thinking I should take a pregnancy test. So I did, and it was negative. My mom was really worried about me so she told me to call the doctor, which made me feel silly because there wasn't really anything anyone could do. About a week later, I realized my period was late. My parents were going to the store and asked Jeff and I if we needed anything...I said casually, "Oh yeah, could you grab me a pregnancy test? That would be great." They seemed a little shocked, but agreed to it (My parents searching for and buying a pregnancy test is actually hilarious. Especially since they had to ask for help:) So Jeff and I were both up bright and early the next morning for work and we decided to just see. We didn't get our hopes up because everyone had warned us about how long it can take to get pregnant...but sure enough those two little lines showed up (faintly). We looked at each other like, wait, is this real?? Then of course, even though he had previously been against telling anyone, Jeff told me to go tell my mom. So I woke up my parents (at six in the morning) and said something to the effect of, "Umm...I'm pretty sure the pregnancy test was positive! As in, I'm pregnant!" Of course my mom had to see for herself and we freaked out in the best way possible.

We happened to be leaving the day we found out to California for Thanksgiving. We had all these plans to tell people in a special way and to wait until Christmas, but of course we just couldn't hold it in. Jeff blurted it out every chance he got (seriously, literally just called out, Well! Molly's having a baby! at his family party). On Thanksgiving we Facetimed all of my siblings and they were all so excited. My sister started to cry when I told her! I can't tell you how special that was for me.

During the first few weeks I actually knew I was pregnant, I had never been so tired in my life. I felt like a zombie walking around. It didn't help that the night we returned from California my grandma passed away and after that I ended up getting sick and stayed sick for about a month (not pregnancy sick...just cold sick...on top of being tired...and being a teacher...which made me lose my voice). It was also the month of December that the nausea hit. I can tell you it is quite fun to experience nausea. I started throwing up every morning and night. The first time I threw up Jeff was so excited because he felt like this meant I was really pregnant (I'm still not sure why he thought I wasn't:) Sometimes eating helped, sometimes it didn't. There were definitely foods that repulsed me (see: pickles, anything fried, and salad). Poor Jeffrey had to deal with me going to Hawaii (worst flight ever when dealing with nausea) and to make matters worse, I came down with the flu the day after we got there. Basically, the first couple months of being pregnant were long and hard. But I had the best husband to take care of me.

At the end of January, once we started telling people besides family I started feeling great! As soon as I was out of that first trimester, the nausea died down and my belly has been growing ever since. It didn't really start to pop until right around 20 weeks. And once I popped, I feel like I really popped. Baby girl just decided to show herself. Around the same time I started feeling these little bubbles pushing up against the inside of my stomach. I was kind of in love with the flutter. I felt like it was this special thing just between she and I. 

At 23 weeks, my mom and I were sitting in the temple on a Thursday afternoon (April 10th to be exact) my girl was just kicking away. My mom wanted to see if she could feel her, and she could! It was the sweetest moment ever. A couple days later she was going at it again and Jeff finally got to feel her as well and this time we could even see it! We were so thrilled I started to cry. It was just such a sweet experience.

There are little moments that made this whole thing a lot more real to me than the sight of my ever-growing tummy--I can't help but love when Lexi talks to my tummy or Beckham prays for my baby when blessing the food. Nothing made it more real for me though than when the ultra-sound tech told me I was having a girl and gave me that little white polka-dot bow.

I'm so in love with this time and with my baby girl. When I saw her all cuddled up on the ultrasound, I didn't think my heart could take so much happiness. She’s definitely mine, of that I am sure. She is a cuddler and I couldn't adore that more.

I’m literally hungry all the time and completely exhausted, but gosh, growing this tiny human is surreal.